ADVERTISEMENT

• (925): View more from California

  just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.

  Fav 14 2915 1176

  share tweet
  

• (574): View more from Indiana

  he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour

  (513): View more from Ohio

  its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem

  Fav 6 1196 3404

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.

  Fav 46 2362 5745

  share tweet
  

• (850): View more from Florida

  HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.

  Fav 12 1340 3031

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...

  Fav 4 2719 1384

  share tweet
  

• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?

  Fav 11 1896 1323

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed

  Fav 13 1565 864

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok

  Fav 1 751 1106

  share tweet
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.

  Fav 12 1365 788

  share tweet
  

• (708): View more from Illinois

  Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.

  Fav 5 968 615

  share tweet
  

• (913): View more from Kansas

  I want to be your penis for a week.

  Fav 10 836 473

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (614): View more from Ohio

  don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"

  Fav 5 1022 668

  share tweet
  

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?

  Fav 0 684 520

  share tweet
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed

  Fav 0 682 451

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Now that's what I call smart money management.

  Fav 0 36 13

  share tweet
  

Randomize