We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
