i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
