Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
