I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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