He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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