I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My penis needs a shock collar
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
