Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
