Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He has the fingertips of a God
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