we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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