I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
