New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
