We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
