the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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