I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
