Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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