i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
