This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
