Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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