he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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