I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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