I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
