Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
