atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
