it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
