Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
