There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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