The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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