i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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