dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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