9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
