I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
