My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
