i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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