Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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