it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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