She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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