I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
