yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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