I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
