3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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