Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i think my cat just said my name.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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