i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
