I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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