Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
