Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
