I skipped work to stalk him.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
BRING THE BAGELS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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