Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
