apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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