I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
