Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
