His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
